ఉపాయం - 295 A thoughtful message to share on upholding Dharma when sweet words conceal harm – insights from Neeti Shastra!
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ఉపాయం - 295

The Sanskrit verse “Parokshe karya hantaram pratyakshe priyavadinam | Varjayet tadrisham mitram visha kumbham payomukham ||” offers a timeless piece of wisdom drawn from the ethical literature of ancient India, including the Neeti Shastra, the Hitopadesha, and the teachings of Chanakya. This can be translated as "a friend who harms your work behind your back but speaks pleasantly to your face should be avoided like a pot of poison with milk at the top”. This vivid metaphor captures the essence of deceitful individuals— those who appear friendly and supportive outwardly, but secretly act in ways that damage your well-being, progress, or reputation. At its core, this verse serves as a moral compass, warning us to be wary of people whose words and actions are misaligned. Such individuals often present a polished, affable demeanor. They shower compliments, display exaggerated politeness, and maintain a façade of warmth when you are present—a behavior described in the verse as pratyakṣhe priya vadinam, meaning one who speaks pleasingly to your face. However, when you are absent, their true nature surfaces. They may undermine your efforts through gossip, manipulative behavior, subtle sabotage, or by withdrawing support at crucial moments—referred to in the verse as parokṣe karya hantaram, or one who harms your work behind your back. This kind of behavior is deeply insidious because it is not always immediately visible. Like a pot filled with poison but covered with a layer of milk (viṣha kumbham payomukham), the outer sweetness conceals a toxic core. Such individuals may be driven by hidden insecurities, envy, or a competitive spirit that prevents them from appreciating others’ growth. Their interactions are often strategic, not sincere, aimed at gaining trust only to exploit it later for their own advantage. They blur the line between ally and adversary, creating confusion and emotional strain for those around them. Recognizing such behavior is the first step toward protecting oneself. Ancient Indian wisdom does not advocate blind trust; rather, it encourages discernment—the ability to perceive truth beyond outward appearances. This means not relying solely on what is said in person, but paying attention to patterns of action and the integrity of behavior over time. A helpful reflection might be to ask oneself, “Would this person support me even when I’m not around to hear it?” If there is doubt, that intuition should not be dismissed. In managing relationships with such individuals, it is wise to maintain emotional distance. While one can remain civil and respectful, it is prudent not to share personal or sensitive information with someone whose loyalty is uncertain. Boundaries must be clearly defined and calmly enforced. Flattery, however pleasant, should never lead to emotional obligation or misplaced trust. Direct confrontation, although sometimes tempting, is not always the most effective response. In situations where the person does not cause immediate harm or where confrontation would escalate tension unnecessarily, silent disengagement is a more dignified path. Withdrawing emotionally while continuing to function professionally can preserve both peace and self-respect. Meanwhile, it becomes even more essential to cultivate genuine relationships—those rooted in honesty, mutual respect, and goodwill. True friends are not necessarily those who always agree with you, but those who are sincere in their intentions and constructive in their honesty. Building a trusted circle grounded in empathy and integrity strengthens your emotional resilience and provides a buffer against insincere influences. In scenarios where the presence of such a person is unavoidable—such as in a professional environment—the practice of internal detachment, or vairagya, becomes invaluable. By consciously choosing to remain mentally unaffected by their words or games, and by staying grounded in your own clarity and values, you can continue to act from a place of inner calm and balance. In doing so, you uphold dharma—your personal and moral integrity—while also ensuring that your energy is not depleted by those who do not truly wish you well. Ultimately, the lesson embedded in this verse is not only about avoiding harmful people, but also about cultivating clarity, wisdom, and emotional strength. It teaches us that protecting our inner peace is as much an act of moral responsibility as it is a form of self-care!

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